simply dont monday
“The Flinch” by Julien Smith
"dont smoke around your pets" okay well i dont even smoke im asthmatic. my dog smokes bc she needs to fucking chill sometimes and Yeah i light them for her Obviously bc she cant use a lighter. i dont get anyrhing out of this arrangment and i resent the implication. in fact shes giving ME secondhand smoke. so my question is why are you so hateful and jugemental and acting like an asshole to me making presumptions and shit about my life.
James: “HEEHEEHEE WE PUT THE THEY IN THEM!”
Jessie: “a”
we put the they in them thursday
Pokemon Heritage Post Thursday
So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this
Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.
So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"
It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead
Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.
This is so funny because that’s a freshly-fledged juvenile red tailed hawk.
It didn’t leave simply because it didn’t really know the giant gorilla thing walking towards it was a threat. You were menaced by what amounts to a teenager who just passed their driving test just chilling under a tree.
This thing weighs all of 1 pound and barely knows it’s a bird.
the bird got a nat20 on intimidation from a die it knocked off the desk
BREAKING NEWS
I just learned about a bird species called Golden Plover. Their chicks have an amazing camouflage: their baby fluff resembles MOSS!
LOOK AT THEM! JUST LOOK AT THEM!
...Oh to be a tiny golden plover lying in the moss safe and sound waiting for your mom to bring you some worms...
ATTENTION: IT IS NOW TIME FOR MOSS
Reminds me of the "Tapera Naevia" aka Striped Cuckoo whose chicks look like Pine Cones, so now we have "Moss Birb" and "Pine Cone Birb"
CONIFEROUS BIRB!!!!
Useful information
[VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:
"All your tests/labs came back clear! Isn't that great?"
American healtcare is a business, and you are the customer. Here's something you can say:
"It's great that we ruled out X, Y, and Z with these tests. However, I'm still having these symptoms, and they're effecting my daily life in these specific ways. So what's next on your list of differential diagnoses?"
And if that doesn't get you anywhere, you can say something like:
"Okay, we've ruled out all of the common causes for my symptoms. So when do we start exploring more rare explanations?"
And if that still gets you nowhere, you're going to document their refusal to do further testing in your chart, because they don't want to have to put that in writing. Keep going, you're worth it. I love you, mean.
END VIDEO TRANSCRIPTION.]
Transcription edit: After they say "I Love you" they blow a kiss to the camera and make the "mwah" kissy noise, not "mean"
